Negotiations break off for several reasons:
(1) Parties deadlock, digging into positions that settle like wet concrete.
(2) Parties grow impatient, feeling the game isn't worth the effort.
(3) Personalities offend.
(4) External events trump the proceedings, i.e. (9-11, stock market crashes).
(5) Deadlines are reached, without results.
So, the question occurs: How can we revive deals once they seem to die?
Presuming there's merit in the undertaking, how do we get back on track?
One of the best starters is to let time pass. Give yourself and the other party some breathing room.
During the interval it is very likely both of you will transition from feelings of indignation and self-righteousness to remorse.
"Gee, it's too bad we couldn't work SOMETHING out!" will become your attitude. By itself, this is a very positive mood to be in, because you'll feel inclined to resume and to recoup if there is at least a slight feeling of loss.
Next, make the gesture of calling your counterparts, or better yet, if it's practical, try to bump into them or knock on their door.
Express GRATITUDE for their time invested in the past discussion, and mention you feel badly that you couldn't try a little harder to work something out.
Then, stop talking and simply listen.
Typically, if there's even the faintest hint of a pulse in the deal, your counterpart will agree with you. It's too bad talks broke off.
And at that very moment, you are on the threshold of resuming your negotiations. It may take just one more statement or question to get up and running:
"Want to pick up where we left off?"
"Something occurred to me that I wanted to share with you. I think it makes a difference."
"I was a stickler on such-and-such a point, and I don't really think it's that important to me."
"I think I may have figured out how to give you what you need."
Take your pick or mix and match these phrases. What's paramount is that you're interacting again, and communications are flowing.
Having let time heal and provide you both with perspective, and after making the first move to break the silence, you're well on the way to bringing negotiations back to life.
And who knows? You both may benefit more than before because you experienced the intermission.
Dr. Gary S. Goodman is a top speaker, negotiation consultant, attorney, TV and radio commentator and the best-selling author of 12 books. He speaks professionally and conducts seminars around the world, including his original program, "Best Practices in Negotiation." He can be reached at gary@customersatisfaction.com.
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